


Losing Sleep

by kalihiro



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: M/M, not really angst but its not necessarily soft either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 06:57:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20502776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalihiro/pseuds/kalihiro
Summary: Claude has a lot on his mind, to the point that it's invading his dreams.





	Losing Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> another thing that goes with the other two dimiclaude/claumitri things ive written kinda
> 
> i really enjoy writing things just centered around exploring negative emotions and have needed to vent somehow so heres me using claude to do so. sort of
> 
> as always, sorry if the characterization isnt great. despite playing over 80 hours of the game im still not 110% confident in the way i write them
> 
> edit: i do have one more short thing that take place in this same story/universe if anyones interested! it's called luck!

"Are you alright?" Dimitri asked, sliding onto the bench across from Claude at the dining hall table. The brunette looked worried, deep in thought. Anybody who didn't know him well enough would think he just looked tired, but Dimitri could tell there was more on his mind than just his bed.

"Just thinking." Claude answered quietly.

"In here of all places?"

"I knew I'd see you in here around this time." Claude grinned and Dimitri quickly looked down at his plate to avoid having Claude see how red his face had become.

"You seemed in good spirits when we returned from that ride just a few days ago-" Dimitri paused. The expression on his face was a mix of horror and sadness and Claude felt as if he might burst while trying to keep from laughing. "I must have said something wrong."

"That is _ really _ not the case." Claude shook his head. "It's really nothing."

Dimitri pouted. He knew Claude very well and he knew that he was absolutely _ not _ going to get any more information out of him than he already has.

"I see. Then, let us enjoy this time before we are rushed back into preparing for the Battle of the Eagle and Lion!" Dimitri smiled. Claude stared at him in admiration for a moment before he went back to eating.

* * *

"Whether it's the Golden Deer or Black Eagles! Kill every last one of them!" Dimitri growled. The troops behind him flowed forward like a wave fueled by pure hatred. Claude and the rest of his house watched in horror as Edelgard steeled herself and instructed those under her to fight back. Red and blue clashed, leaving nothing but death in its wake.

After a moment, Claude raised his arm, sending a signal to his comrades that the fight was about to begin for them as well. Nobody here wanted to fight. Nobody here wanted to kill those they used to be so close to. Hilda rested her hand on Claude's shoulder as she walked past, giving him an affirming nod before she too went onto the battlefield.

Claude took his wyvern high into the sky above Gronder Field, searching for Dimitri among the chaos. If he could just get to him and talk him out of the senseless battle, then nobody had to d-

He felt cold metal slide past his ear, slicing through his flesh ever so slightly. Claude prided himself on being the most observant person he knew, but the lance that could've taken his head just now seemed to come out of nowhere. He looked down at the sea of soldiers below him, bright blonde hair catching his eye. He flew down closer, his heart breaking as the blue eyes staring back at him had nothing but bloodlust in them.

Clearly years of being in love meant nothing to Dimitri anymore and Claude wasn't about to throw away the lives of those who still cared about him by allowing this to continue. He had to kill Dimitri. He had-

Claude woke up in a panic, flinging his blanket off of him and sending the books he'd piled on the foot of his bed flying to the floor. No good. This is no good. It's a waste of brain power to spend time getting so worked up over such insignificant things.

At least, he _ wanted _ to feel that way. But as he lay alone in his room, drenched in sweat and wheezing, he couldn't help but feel like this was no trivial matter. This wasn't something that he could brush under the rug. This wasn't pointless if it was plaguing his dreams.

Claude turned, jumping off his bed and heading out of his room. He needed fresh air. He needed to look at the sky. He just needed _ out. _

He made a bee-line for the same rooftop where Dimitri had confessed to him. The couple had begun using it more frequently after that. It functioned as a meeting spot with a great view and nobody to bother them and also a place for them to get away from _ everything. _ As house leaders and their own collection of personal issues, they were both saddled with many worries. Sometimes, they even occasionally spotted the other up there when they were walking around the monastery. Nobody could see someone there unless they knew to look there. It was the perfect spot. It was _ their _spot.

As he stared out at the monastery being bathed in a brilliant glow from the moon, all Claude could think about was Dimitri. _ Was he even asleep right now? If he was, was he sleeping well? If he's not, would he mind if I came by? _

There were many things Claude wanted to ask him. Things about his past, why he couldn't sleep, what Claude could do to help, what he _ saw _in Claude. Sure, he was a charmer and pretty confident, but he never thought himself the dating type. That was, until he met Dimitri. Claude never gave a second thought to how he closed off all aspects of himself except for the front he put on, until Dimitri came into the picture.

Dimitri, despite having his own set of secrets, was a fairly open book. With his emotions, at the very least. He very rarely made an effort to hide how he was truly feeling, though he might conceal the reason why. Claude, on the other hand, he _ never _allowed himself that vulnerability. He enjoyed his time in the academy and he loved his house dearly, but he never would've dreamed about wearing his heart on his sleeve until he had a naive blonde staring deeply into his eyes and asking him if he was alright.

"Claude." Byleth spoke softly, but still loud enough to startle the younger boy out of his thoughts. "Why are you up here?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I was taking a nightly walk around the place and saw you storming across the grounds. I assumed it was you staying in the library late again, or searching for something, until I realized you were in your night clothes and barefoot." Byleth pointed out and Claude looked down at his feet, so completely out of it he hadn't even noticed.

"Working a strategy. The battle is in just two days after all." Claude grinned smugly.

"If you do not want to tell me, it is fine. I simply wanted to check and make sure you were in no danger." Byleth nodded before turning on her heel.

"...Can I ask you a question?" Claude called out. Byleth turned back around quickly, always eager to listen to her students. "Your time as a mercenary. Did you ever have to kill anyone you were close to?"

"I have never had many people with whom I was close until coming here. I have had to kill people I knew, but it doesn't bear the same amount of weight as what you are asking."

"Close or not, even if it's someone we know, we must always give it our all, correct?" Claude furrowed his brow a bit more.

"Despite my past, I do not enjoy killing. If possible, I prefer for things to be sorted out in a peaceful manner." Byleth began. "Whether it is against someone I have never met or someone I have spent years with, if they are a danger to the world around them, it's a threat that must be eliminated."

"Yeesh, sounds harsh. But I get your point."

"It is never an easy task. I fear many of the students think I am… immune to the burden that comes with taking a life." Byleth sighed. "But despite the burden, if I can leave a fight feeling like that area is safe again, I feel accomplished. In a world full of hurt, we must search for the positives. But, we mustn't ever forget the negatives, for when we do, that is how is how monsters are born."

"To answer your question, yes. We must give it our all. But do not take my words from the other day as something harsh. Taking a life is not easy and it should never become that way." Byleth smiled softly before continuing. "There is no need to fret over the coming battle. Nobody is going to die."

"...Thanks Teach."

"Now, please go back to your room or at least inside. It is quite chilly out here and you are underdressed."

"Yeah, yeah."

* * *

Claude knocked on Dimitri's door, bursting through as soon as the latter opened it.

"Claude!" Dimitri exclaimed excitedly. "What brings you here? I'd assumed you would have been asleep by now."

"My feet just sort of carried me here." Claude shrugged, flopping down on Dimitri's bed.

"There is still something on your mind, isn't there?" Dimitri asked, taking a seat next to Claude. He looked down at his boyfriend, wishing to help, but having no idea _ how _.

"Gronder's in two days." Claude spoke up.

"Yes?" Dimitri looked at him, confused. "Is that what you're worried about?"

"No. It's just a mock battle after all." Claude shook his head. "It's just had me thinking."

"I hope we never have to fight for real." He admitted.

Dimitri cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow at him. "Of course?"

"No, you don't understand. I hope…. I desperately wish we never have to kill _ each other _." Claude's voice carried an array of emotions but his eyes were dead. "When you and I returned, Teach was trying to motivate my class for the Battle of the Eagle and Lion by telling us no matter who it is that we fight, we must give it our all. Which, like, I feel the same way."

Claude paused and looked up at Dimitri. "Which is why I so desperately hope we are never on opposing sides. Because I know me, and I know that no matter how much I wouldn't want to, if I _ had _to, I would kill you."

Dimitri had never seen Claude so vulnerable before. Claude was _ very _ smart and very capable of masking his true intentions and feelings around just about everyone. It took time, but he had begun to allow himself to be more… himself around Dimitri. He wasn't on guard around him the way he was before. Dimitri, however, felt that because of this, he might be betray Claude's trust easier if he said the wrong thing. He was already so prone to breaking things, who's to say a human heart couldn't be next?

"I-"

"It is impossible to see into the future and guarantee that something like that will never happen. But…" Claude looked up at Dimitri, tears threatening to escape his eyes. "Can we at least promise to try our utmost to keep things from going that way? We will undoubtedly encounter a million and a half things completely out of our control, but…" Claude held out his pinky.

"Aren't we a bit old for pinky promises?" Dimitri asked. Claude said nothing and just stuck his hand closer to Dimitri. The blonde took his finger in his, intertwining them tightly. "I promise."

"...Thank you."

* * *

"What are you doing up here?" Byleth joined Claude on the roof, staring out at the monastery.

"Thinking." 

"You are always thinking." Byleth sighed. "What about specifically?"

"Just… reminiscing. A dangerous thing to do before a decisive battle." Claude smiled sadly. "It's a bit odd to be back here after five long years, only to leave and fight the ones I used to be with here."

"Have you spoken to Dimitri?" Byleth asked. Claude felt as if his heart was being squeezed at the simple mention of his name.

"After you disappeared, Dimitri vanished not long after. I had assumed he was dead. You're both such jerks, leaving me to think the worst for five whole years." Claude forced a laugh. "When I found out he was alive, I went to see him but… he was different. I don't know what happened to him during these five years, but life was not kind to him at all."

"He told me he had no intention of speaking to me and ordered me to 'leave before it got ugly.' I had hoped to be able to talk things out so the battle we are about to have wouldn't be happening. But..." Claude looked out at the monastery. "...He's not very good at keeping promises."


End file.
